The Wringer

A guest who keeps chattering on and on when one is in a hurry. When he is a troublesome person of very little worth, one can simply dismiss him, but when he is an intimate, one finds it hateful.

An inkstone where a hair has gotten caught on the grinding surface. Or when there is sand in the inkstick that makes it grate on the surface. Eek.

I hate it when one has gone out of ones way to seek the services of an exorcist for a friend who has fallen ill (when either he was not in his usual location, or when he had to rooted out after a long search), to find only that when the fellow finally arrives to the great anticipation of the client and one orders the mantras to be read, the man seems tired of exorcising evil spirits or whatever, I can not know, and simply sits down to recite in a rather sleepy voice. The lack of attention is unnerving.

A man who had nothing to recommend him proceeds to go on and on, big smile on his face, to tell one all sorts of unwanted things.

A person who insists on rolling his hands, over and over, smoothing out the wrinkles, on the edge of my hand warmers, or even around a large communal brazier, as though they were a couple of fish to fry. I am hesitant to say that I have even experienced young people who do this!  I have even heard of rather despicable old people who splay their legs up on the edges of a heater while talking away and massaging their poor limbs! I have even heard that when it comes to such behavior that people will go to such lengths to make their seating arrangements satisfactory as to tap the surface with their fans to brush away specks of dirt, or spread their legs without the least concern for decency, or who simply hike up the skirts of their hunting cloaks and stuff them into their sashes. I have no words to express my dismay for such actions, and how am I, I ask you, to restrain from remarking about it to the likes of a Mr. Master of Ceremonial, or to the former Governor of Suruga?

How about a man who drinks and raves, who sticks his fingers in his mouth, or pets his beard, I ask you?  And then forces others to have a drink from the same cup? There’s more. He speaks from the corner of his drunken lips to order others to have another drink; then he carouses like a child singing a lewd ditty, wiggling his backside. It is completely ridiculous for a man of means, particularly one who is greatly respected, to behave in such a fashion!

It is really quite hateful when a person is envious of others, complains about his station in life, makes idle talk about others, gets riled up about the merest detail of some incident and wants to tell everyone about it, or is bitter about what the lack of information he is able to gather, or who is such a Mr. Know-it-all that he prates and prattles to the edification of everyone. How utterly despicable!

A baby who seems to be trying to say something, but who then cries.

Crows flying about cawing at each other.

A dog who barks knowingly at a lover whom one wants to let enter one’s quarters secretly. Makes one want to pound the poor creature to death!

A lover with whom one is somewhat secretive and with whom one is trysting in an out of the way place, proceeds to snore! Or when one is trying to keep a secret about a lover’s arrival and he is wearing a formal high hat that he manages to bang up against the doorjamb. What is worse is that he cries out in astonishment! One also hates it when a fellow just hikes the bamboo blinds up over his shoulder (instead of quietly sneaking in behind them), making a loud swish! I must add from experience that the effect is much magnified if the blinds tend to be more solid and hemmed when he tries to pick them up! One should know that there is a way to be absolutely quiet when lifting up the blinds of a lady’s room!

It is also despicable when the sliding doors are simply rammed open! Can’t they know that just lifting them up a bit helps them to slide quietly? Also, if one is not adept at the larger paper sliders, one is in for an even noisier surprise! They can be very creaky!

One is very sleepy and has lain down to rest when a mosquito announces itself in a reedy voice, flying and walking about ones face. One can even feel the blast of air from its wings it is so close to ones body. How one hates this!

Riding around with a person whose carriage has squeaky wheels. Makes one wonder whether or not the person is hard of hearing. Frightful! I become hateful not just of the silly carriage, but of its owner as well. This is too much!

Someone who butts into the middle of a story one is telling who wants to tell the ending. Children, as well as adults, who butt in are despicable!

Someone who ruins a perfectly wonderful old story by butting in with a version of her own. Downright despicable! Almost on the level of one’s hatred for rats who scamper about!

A child who has just stopped in for a brief visit is entertained with the other young servants in the house and given a bevy of gifts, but who then makes a practice of such uninvited drop-ins, and who becomes a general nuisance.

Whether one is at home or on duty at the palace, and one is caught napping when an unexpected visitor arrives, one is awakened forcibly by one’s own servants, and literally dragged out in a stupor to meet with the person. I can hardly bear it!

One is most turned off by a lady new to palace service who takes it upon herself to be the mistress of know-it-all and who proceeds to solicit everyone else!

A man with whom one is having an affair proceeds to hint to one about another woman he has previously known. It doesn’t much matter whether the tale is an old one or not; just to mention such things at all is despicable behavior!  So much more so when the event in question is more recent! But then, over and gone or recent, it does not really matter. It is all unspeakably rude!

Anyone who sneezes while reading a prayer. While one is on the subject of sneezing, anyone other than the master of the house who does this willfully and loudly, is just unbearable!

Fleas. One has to hate them. They get up under the hems of ones kimonos, almost seeming to lift them off the floor. Terrible! Also, dogs howling in concert; it is not only unlucky, it is spiteful!

SEI SHONAGON (1002)